and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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