I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
