The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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