Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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