he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize