Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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