wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize