She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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