first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
