Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
