Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
