If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
COCAINE IS GR8
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
