Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
