Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
