Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
