Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
