Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
