Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
