Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
