i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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