Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
