I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
