Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
