I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
