i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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