so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
