dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
