You can't special order awesome
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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