Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
