I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
