Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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