we have pet lesbian snakes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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