she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you traded sex for a burrito?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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