Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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