She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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