I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize