I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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