living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
