I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
