i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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