I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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