Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
