Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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