Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
