The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I fill condoms, not promises.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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