In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
one two three fourrrrnication!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
