why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
