super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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