Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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