So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
