you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
