Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
