I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
