how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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