You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
