i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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