Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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