I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
