; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
