Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
