Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
